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what have i lost?
Tuesday, May 29, 2012 || 9:08 PM
What have I lost?
Somehow, it hasn't really hit me yet.
Maybe I am alright, maybe it wasn't such a big loss.
Oh, but it was!
So why aren't I very unhappy? Why aren't I disappointed?
I would think... I am, somewhat. I should be.
Maybe it has passed? The time for mourning has passed?
I don't know. Maybe it's just that I am not regretting.
I am not regretting.
I have still lost my dream. I have thrown it away.
I have sacrificed my dream?
My life has changed its course entirely, in a way that I never could have predicted.
I have lost, I have lost so much, I recognize this. How much? What experiences have I let slip away from me? What life would I live had I decided differently?
So close I was!
There's really no going back now.
But I am not regretting
right now.
Life is full of chances!
Full of chances!
And yet, I can never hope to have one like this again.
There is still somewhat a sense of disappointment - that is undeniable.
Though losing something like this, I am trusting that I will gain something more.
I trust that I will gain something more.