“for i am forever changing”
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where would I be without You, Jesus
Friday, November 29, 2013 || 1:24 AM
I'm reading back on my older posts on this blog and I feel
sad for the person I was then.
I look at myself now
and cannot imagine feeling that way
or writing that way
I was so full of anger
brimming with anger
that I really couldn't release in any way but perhaps [kind-of-not-really] subtly on my blog.
Hum
But, I think, when I reflect back on those days, a flash
of remembrance
enlightens me and brings me back to understanding
and I feel for my younger, unhappier, unsatisfied self.
dear husband, please earn a lot
Saturday, November 16, 2013 || 11:04 PM
Nothing's concrete
but is it bad that I want to be a housewife?
After settling in here, living without my parents, cooking for myself and cleaning myself (aka. not mom doing it for me), I've realized I really enjoy all these household duties.
I love cooking and baking and trying new things.
And then taking pictures of everything of course. I send them to my mom and my grandmother because they're the only people I can "show off" to like a child.
I love grocery shopping. I find it so calming, walking through the aisles, like a stress-reliever.
I love cleaning. Or, well, I love the feeling you get from a freshly cleaned house. And I find cleaning the floors is slightly therapeutic.
It's a little taboo to say that my dream is to become a housewife nowadays, isn't it? But I think I'd enjoy it. I could do whatever I wanted, volunteer everywhere I want, read the whole library, bake all day and have kids and a husband to eat it so I don't scarf everything down myself and get fat.
Both my parents work. I'm also an only child. So my childhood was, needless to say, pretty lonely.
Ok, wait, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I think my parents did a wonderful job bringing me up and I loved being a child! I'm really blessed to have had the carefree childhood that I was given.
I'm just saying that, well no one has a perfect life, and sometimes I felt sad that I had to go to daycare after school when all the other kids were running into their parents' arms after school to happily return home. And sometimes I felt that my parents couldn't come see my performances or displays on that last day of summer camp when it seemed as if everyone else's parents were there to watch.
And also, I found summer camp really boring. And before and aftercare were even boringer.
I can be strong and independent as a housewife too. I can be intelligent and successful as a housewife too. I can be a feminist as a housewife.
So, no, I suppose I've answered my question. It is not bad that I want to be a housewife.
is the word change starting to sound weird to you
Friday, November 1, 2013 || 12:17 PM
A common occurrence, a reflection of mine goes something along the lines of
Wow,
I've changed so much these past two, three years.
Now another thought occurs to me,
such that perhaps it's not that I've changed particularly more, but that I've just been more perceptive to the changes in my own thought and personality.
But it also amazes me how different I've become from before. Yet,
I don't think other people who've known for a significant amount of time would testify to my uh great difference.
